I had intended to write this yesterday 17/10 but I forgot cause I was logged into my "schoolwork" account instead of this one.
& I nearly forgot to submit my assignment, so the former should be seen as nothing new I guess.
Yes, it slipped off my mind that I was supposed to submit a communication assignment online till I came online to check out some school stuff and the thought ran across in my head: 1159 due, ah comm assignment omg

But well, I realized it early and managed to refine it one last time before submitting.

The past few weeks had been so hectic, even at this point in time I cannot let myself take a break.
It just doesn't feel right when there's so many things on the to-do list, but I really need some form of a break out of all these nonsense going on in school.

I'm returning to my old negative self again, slowly, unfortunately, thanks to people around me.
I don't know why people are like this, or rather choose to be like this. And more importantly, why are there so many of these people and why do I keep encountering such people.
I'm already halfway through the semester and all the true colors are showing, including mine, I don't even contain it to myself anymore cause I can't - it just starts showing automatically.

I'm not really afraid of people around me knowing my true self, which I'm guessing they don't because their first impressions (which has since changed) is actually what I still am to a large extent.
I don't really count myself as an introvert but I think I'm only able to talk to people who open up to me and really close till the extent that we talk about almost everything (impossible to talk about everything in my opinion). It's like I can spam on whatsapp/line to certain individuals/group of people which I name friends, but can't do the same for some people whose conversations I bring myself in reluctance to participate in.

It's probably because of the accumulation of stress that I'm facing right now, and I'm a slave of stress since young, so any other unexpected thing that pops out is gonna drive me crazy and you'll be glad that I don't break down in front of you. I enjoy the things taught in school, and how some concepts overlap in modules, but when the tests are all so close together, that's a complete disaster.
And it happened so many times, half the semester full of disasters.

I'm someone who sticks to a certain routine, not that I have a fixed schedule to follow, I don't plan and stick to my study plans, but I have a certain take on everything. And sometimes, I'm pretty persistent in getting what I visualized in my mind. So when things crop up, I get very, I really mean very panicky and self destruct in a matter of seconds. This is probably something that I'll have to work on (in addition to my negative mentality) but all these people, environment, tasks are so overwhelming I just can't.

We're back to the paper chase again, it's like a "long time no see, how have you been" kind of thing to be honest, but I'm so drained thanks to all the assignments, projects, tests(which turned out unsatisfactory because of the grades chase, otherwise in my opinion it's pretty well done compared to my past schooling results) Deadlines, deadlines, deadlines. A A- B B-, the letters so commonly seen in my life right now. Why is the grading system seemingly back to primary school grading where 90 is then considered an A? It just makes life so difficult for me, esp for subjects that require a lot of memory work, haish.

Till the end of the semester it's just some more weeks, and then I can get a considerably long break, but in the meantime I shall try to pull up my grades and find some time to do something I like, or just lepak instead of filling my mind with mostly academics, which gets me nowhere actually. Kinda, no, very sleepy now, I shall continue posting some other day don't know how long will that be though.

Keeping the faith in humanity,
Jingyi